Photo courtesy of Kat Holigores
Kat Holigores writes about finding life while solo traveling to pursue her cowgirl dreams. In this iteration of Vogue Voices, she tells the challenges she faced during her travel, ultimately leading to her finding the support she needed.
This essay is a part of the series Vogue Voices, Vogue Philippines’ biweekly series of personal essays on memory, culture, moments, identity, family, and community.
Solo travel, especially for the no longer PC-termed “fairer sex,” is still a daunting idea for many. Ever since I can remember, planning “me time” involved an itinerary with myriad activities in a place for new discoveries. The questions from concerned friends and family members were a range of “You’re going alone?” “Why there?” “Are you meeting someone?” The latter is framed with a tinge of hope, as many a streaming rom-com suggests your soulmate is just a passport stamp away. In my case, although the thought of a life-changing meetcute is a lovely one, it’s the exercise of leaving expectations behind and going on the next big (or big-ish) adventure that propels me. Bucketlists help, and in my case, it was an obsession with Yellowstone that kicked off an internet search to find a solo female-friendly ranch where I could live out my cowgirl dreams. There were definitely a lot of cons: budget, time, and also no one could give me any firsthand recommendations, not to mention that the closest place to do this fantasy was a whole continent away.
Narrowing down my search to price-friendlier finds, I had to reflect on why I was going to do a week-long immersion with total strangers in a state I had zero contacts. What could go wrong? Probably everything, and it didn’t help that I self-destruct at times by watching docuseries on serial killers, especially when I’m about to do something on my own. Who else does this, I thought to myself? And why do I put myself through this, knowing full well I am not setting myself up for a fun time? Truth be told, I was in a funk at home. Work was immensely slow in the production industry, and my side hustle of doing counseling and energy healing therapy was making me feel like I was a fraud; it was the dreaded” imposter syndrome,” so to speak. Who was I to tell my clients how to live their best lives and have more flow if I was not willing to do something that made me uncomfortable enough to elicit change? There are times when you can plan everything right down to the devilish details, but life throw curveballs to see how much you’ve actually learned to live and channel resourcefulness.
“In the end, a bumpy beginning led to a more enriching experience with strangers becoming my greatest allies, allowing me to receive the nurturing and support I needed.”
The first major hiccup was an incredibly delayed trip, which was an interstate flight (only about an hour and a half in length) that found me stranded in an airport for more than eight hours. After a fair amount of scrambling, looking for alternative routes, and then finally acquiring one of the last few tickets that day, I was met with the abject horror of seeing my bags being transferred to my new flight and, right before boarding, seeing them being returned to my previously booked flight. Obviously, the end result was arrival at my destination empty-handed and having to find my way (in the dark) to my isolated cabin after an hour of travel by car. This was not the way this adventure was supposed to kick off, and being in an isolated area there was no cellular coverage so there was no way I could alert anyone as to my exact whereabouts, so I resigned myself to a hot shower and finally succumbed (mostly from stress) into a deep sleep. Waking up to a bright sunny morning and donning the same clothes as the day before had my self-confidence at an all-time low. I had missed the opening night’s orientation, so I was going to walk into a dining hall full of unfamiliar people. This was day one of a Cowgirl Roundup, which meant all-female attendees. My past experience of mean girls in high school had me steeling my nerves as I made my way inside.
But what I found instead was a coming together of the most generous, accommodating group of women from all walks of life who had already heard about my nightmarish sojourn (since I didn’t show up for the orientation the night before). I was met with, “What do you need?” “ I have an extra pair of (fill in the blanks) shoes, jeans…” “ I have extra toiletries,” plus offers to help follow up with the airline regarding my luggage. What followed was a week of bonding, shared experiences, new discoveries (as I was the only one from the Eastern Hemisphere) in the group on both sides, and the beginning of lasting friendships. Being given the opportunity as well to learn new things that pushed me way outside of my comfort zone (such as rifle shooting) was the figurative shove I needed to get out of my funk, re-align my perspective, and shake me from uninspired slumber.
In the end, a bumpy beginning led to a more enriching experience with strangers becoming my greatest allies, allowing me to receive the nurturing and support I needed.
Katrina Holigores produces digital media and content and practices energy and space clearing. She is also an active equestrian and mother to furbabies Baileys and Tayto.
