The Difference Between Self-Esteem And Self-Concept – And How To Cultivate Both

Therapy has become an essential part of my mental health routine and, thanks to my psychologist, I have managed to work through some traumatic chapters of my life, overcome some difficulties, and improve my social skills. However, during the last year we have also worked deeply on my self-concept. While it’s been an invaluable process, it’s also been a complicated one. The first thing I had to learn was to differentiate between three related ideas: self-concept, self-image and self-esteem. We often use them as interchangeable synonyms to describe how we see and understand ourselves though they in fact refer to different aspects of this relationship. “Self-concept is the sum of the ideas and thoughts we have about ourselves and it is the direct result of the messages we receive from childhood about our character, abilities, personality, aptitudes, limits and more. All of this, added to our own life experiences, makes up a more-or-less extensive dossier of adjectives and characteristics that we can apply to ourselves,” explains psychologist Violeta Alcocer.

For Alcocer, a healthy self-concept should be broad and descriptive, including both things that point to our potential and our strengths (“I’m very good at maths”) and our limits and difficulties (“I don’t feel comfortable in places where there are a lot of people”). “It isn’t a problem if your self-concept includes contradictions because sometimes our way of being in the world depends on context (for example, one might feel that ‘I am a trusting person with those close to me, but I distrust strangers’),” she explains. Self-concept differs from self-image in that self-image refers to how we see ourselves in the world, mentally and physically. It also consists of adjectives about the way we perceive ourselves and how we think others see us.

One aspect that self-concept and self-image share is that they both reflect various biases. “The people around us have their own filters and they give value to some aspects of our identities over others, so that from childhood it is almost inevitable that a focus is placed on certain characteristics, while others are ignored. On the other hand, our self-esteem (if we are very critical and demanding of ourselves) will also determine whether we are willing to accept and assume certain characteristics as our own, thus limiting our self-concept.” She argues that self-image is particularly affected by cultural aesthetic demands and by countless contradictory and impossible-to-fulfil expectations, which mean we look at ourselves in a distorted way. We search for defects instead of truths, which is not helpful when it comes to nurturing a healthy self-image.

Self-esteem vs self-concept

When distinguishing self-esteem from self-concept, Alcocer describes the former as “how I feel in relation to everything I know about myself,” and adds that “if we validate and find meaning in the way we are and how we act, if we are compassionate and kind with ourselves about our physical characteristics, if we accept our limitations and don’t see them as problems, we will have some of the basic pillars of healthy self-esteem.” The good news is that we can work on all three — self-concept, self-image and self-esteem — at once, to achieve a healthy relationship with who we are.

To do so we need to work on two other self- words: critical and conscious self-observation and self-knowledge. These habits help us to see the person we are as clearly as possible and without judgement. Alcocer explains: “We also can’t forget to identify the harmful patterns, beliefs, habits and attitudes that lead us to put ourselves down or to look at ourselves with harshness and contempt. If we can understand where those behaviours come from we can then be more flexible and find room for compassion and validation of the individuals who we are.”

Alcocer has just published the book (available only in Spanish) Auténticas Impostoras (Authentic Impostors), where she talks in depth about how women have long used their ability to pretend as a key tool for survival. “We are particularly affected by a cultural and social gaze that sees us as imperfect, as well as constant demands to feel accepted and included in society. These completely skew our ability to discern who we truly are.” She argues that stereotypes of femininity contribute to emphasise certain characteristics in girls such as sweetness, playfulness, and quietness; while in boys other traits such as bravery, expressiveness, and leadership are more highly valued. “The problem comes when people recognise in themselves or ascribe to themselves traits that are not valued socially, whether they are physical, personality, or character traits. Self-censorship is set in motion as a reflection of the prevailing social discourse and at that moment a war with oneself begins as we try to deal with an inconvenient truth.”

This article was originally published on British Vogue.

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